


1+the 2 who are missing him=3

by lazypookagirl



Series: 3 Makes A Family [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, probably gonna be ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-09 05:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazypookagirl/pseuds/lazypookagirl
Summary: *Sequel to 1+1≠3*Jason's back.He wants answers and he wants to get back to Dick. Fast.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be in Jason's POV. And I'm trying it out in first person. Tell me what you think!

Pain. Lots of pain. 

My lungs were on fire. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see.

Everything was black. Not even a sliver of light shone through.

My hands tore around blindly. All that I could feel was wood.

Still no air could reach my lungs. Where the fuck was I? Why was there no light? No air?

Desperately, my fingernails dug into the wooden box I was trapped in, trying to break out.

I just needed air, light, answers.

But nothing was working. 

Suddenly there was light. Blinding light and I still couldn’t see.

As my eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden light, the temperature in the wooden box increased by a hundred degrees. 

Is that- is that fire?

It burned through my clothes until it reached my skin. It made its way up from legs, leaving blackened skin behind. The smell of burnt flesh burned as it reached my nose. Eyes watering, I was blinded once again. 

This was it.

This was the end.

I closed my eyes ad the flames made it to my chest and let out a scream as the fire reached my face. This was-

 

Not the end?

I was sitting upright in…a bed? The sheets were tangled around my waist and legs. My whole body was drenched in sweat. I quickly glanced around but nothing seemed familiar. I was in a small room, but at least it was bigger than that box I was in. Or wasn’t in? It was just a nightmare, bit it seemed so real. I brought a shaky hand up to examine. 

No burns.

Looking at my arms I noticed that they too were completely clear of anything a raging fire would leave behind. 

But what I did notice was the scar that was Y shaped covering my chest. It was a clean cut. My fingers traced the shaped when it finally hit me. Was this an autopsy scar?

“Well it seems you are finally awake.” My head snapped to the side to see the door now open and a woman standing with what seemed like clothes in her arms.

“Who are-“ I was cut of when she threw the clothes at me.

“I am Talia. Now put those one.”

I quickly tried to untangle myself from the sheets only to stop when I realized I had no clothes on and the weird lady was still watching me. Glancing back up at her, I gave her a pointed look to which she responded by rolling her eyes and turning around. I quickly put on the pants so that even if she turned back around she wouldn’t see anything. And I guess me going quickly was still too slow for her.

“If you would hur-“ 

This time it was my turn to interrupt her. “Where am I?” I asked while slipping on the pants the woman, Talia, had given me.

She let out a huff, almost like a laugh. “You, Jason Todd, are at the home of Ra’s al Ghul.”

That caused me to freeze before I could finish getting my shirt on.. “Wait…”

Talia turned around with a smirk on her face.

“Welcome to the League of Assassins.”

* * *

When I had finally finished getting dressed, Talia made me follow her out of the room. The walk started in silence until I tried to ask a few questions. 

“So, why am I here?” No response. “What happened to me? How did I end up here?” Still I got nothing in return.

“Where’s Dick?” With that question she gave me a side eye glance.

“I do not know where Richard Grayson is.” And that was that. We kept on walking in silence.

I still had no idea what I was really doing here. But I knew I should not be here. I mean where was Dick? Or Bruce? Or even Alfred?

The last thing I could clearly remember was Dick leaving for his mission. And then I probably went out on patrol with Bruce. I mean, I went out almost every night with him. And then I had probably been going school. Honestly, I wasn’t really sure. Everything was blurred together. 

How the fuck did I get here?

When we had finally reached the kitchen, Talia had led me to a table. I guess it was a meal time because a chef quickly put down a bowl of soup on the table and then got back to work on making the rest of the food. As soon as I had sat down to eat, I kinda blacked out. Instead of sitting at a table about to dig into the mouth watering food, I was laying on the floor, tied up. I was in my Robin suit which made a little more sense. But Joker was slowly walking towards me. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get out of the ropes. And the Joker just kept getting closer and closer. A sweat broke out as I continued to struggle out of the binds, but nothing was working.

“Jason!” A hand shook my shoulder and brought me back to reality. 

“Sorry, what?” My head was still a little fuzzy. What had I just seen?

“You really don’t remember what happened, do you?” Talia stepped back and looked at me with an amused look on her face.

“No. Why else would I be asking you all of these questions?!”

“Well then I guess you have a lot of catching up to do.” But instead of saying anything that would help me get up to speed, she turned around and walked out of the kitchen. 

“Hey! Wait!” I shouted out as I shot up out of my seat. But she was long gone. I looked over at the chef, but he just shrugged and went back to work. With a huff I sat back down at the table and started to eat. The food was amazing and I really hadn’t noticed how hungry I was. But even though it was so nice to eat and I wanted to ask for more, I needed to talk to Talia.

Actually, I needed to empty my bladder. I asked the chef where the bathroom was, but he just quickly pointed in some random direction. I sighed and started to make my way to a bathroom. It took long, too long for my bladder, but I finally found one. 

Before I left the bathroom I took a good look at myself in the mirror. The first thing I noticed was my eyes. They were no longer the pure blue they once were. They now had a tint of green. Images of a glowing green pool suddenly filled me mind. I quickly stepped back from the mirror, breathing hard. I needed answers and I needed them soon. 

I needed to get back to Dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually updated when I said I would! I'll try my hardest to keep working on this stuff and update as fast as I can.


	2. Chapter 2

What day was it? What month? What fucking year?

I sat up in my bed, hugging my knees to my chest.

How many days had I been here since I woke up? Had it already been a week? A month?

I pressed the palms against my temples, trying to get the throbbing pain in my head to go away. It seemed like there was always at least some type of pain there, but whenever I tried to actually _think_  about what had happened to get me where I am, the dull ache would increase to a splitting pain.

It was hard to keep everything straight in my mind. Nothing made sense anymore, and it’s not like Talia was any help. If anything she made everything worse. Her way of explaining what the fuck happened to me just left me more confused. And her lies twisted with my sense of reality. Or were they the truth?

She claims that Bruce didn’t care about what happened to me. That he didn’t even notice I was gone (where was I?) and that was why he was too late to save me (was it from the Joker?). But how could that be true? Bruce cared about me. He would definitely notice if I was just suddenly gone. Right? We did fight sometimes, didn’t always see eye to eye, especially on terms of justice. But that wouldn’t make him hate me enough to not even notice I was gone? He would  always try to save me, right?

Right?

Another sharp pain ripped through my brain. The nightmares and flashes of distorted memories didn’t help my mental state, either. They made my grip on reality even worse. Talia had said that it was just a side effect, the games my mind was playing on me. “The fog shouldn’t last longer than a few days” she had said with that stupid smirk still on her face. 

Well bitch, guess what? It’s now been a week (two weeks? three?) and if anything this so called “fog” had just gotten worse. 

I still was not clear on what exactly happened to land me in the League of Assassins, but I’m pretty sure I died. And I mean literally died. 

It’s gets even more fuzzy after that. But I guess the Pit brought me back to life. So now I owe my life to Talia and her creepy-ass father, Ra’s al Ghul. And trust me, they’re taking advantage of it.

They’ve been working me to the bone, but at least I have training. And the real kind, bot the bullshit Bruce tried to pull. I wasn’t just learning how to protect myself in a fight and maybe stop a bad guy; I now knew how to take a villain down, permanently. 

*****

“Good, Jason,” Talia praised, watching my every move. 

I had taken down my teacher. The arrogant asshole finally got his ass whooped by a teen. How utterly embarrassing. 

I scoffed as I wiped away the blood dripping my probably broken nose with the back of my sleeve. With one last look at my pathetic excuse of a teacher, I turned away to face Talia and started heading towards her.

She put up her hand, making me halt my footsteps. 

“Finish it.”

The command was clear. I knew what she saying. But what the fuck?

“Did I stutter? Finish it.” I still hadn’t moved.

“But…why…” I was still unable to comprehend what she was asking of me.

“Are you incompetent? Pick your sword back up and finish what you started.” She crosses her arms over her chest and tilted her chin up. 

She fucking scared me. The fear forced me to move back towards my teacher. I bent down to pick up the sword I had been training with for a couple days (a few? a week?). Standing back up, I gulped. Looking at my broken teacher, bleeding on the floor, I knew I couldn’t do it. He was panting, hand pressed firmly against his ribs. There was no way I had hurt him to the point where he couldn’t stand back up. What was he doing? Stand up!

I turned black to look at Talia. She had now moved to the next step- her death glare. My heart started racing and my hands began trembling. She wouldn’t break eye contact with me, not even to blink. 

No longer able to handle this staring contest with _Talia al Ghul_ , I shifted my gaze back to my teacher. We made eye contact. Fuck. He made no move to stop me from doing what Talia wanted. He had a look of understand in his eyes. With a slight nod of his, I took a step closer to him. I pulled the sword up above my head. My teacher closed his eyes with an almost serene look on his face even though I was literally bringing a sword down on his neck. But for some reason he accepted his fate of the sword slicing through his flesh and cutting his jugular. Blood gushed out making me jump back. 

A loud clang rang out through the training room as I dropped the sword, my hands shaking to hard. But suddenly it was just my hands; my whole body was shaking, not able to comprehend what I had just done.

But it had felt almost good? 

I had just defied everything Bruce had tried to teach me. Never kill. Never. And here I go slicing through someone’s throat with a fucking sword. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Talia actually smiling at me. 

“He failed you as a teacher. He could not even best you in a simple sword fight. He deserved this fate.”

And I actually smiled back at her. Take that, Bruce.

*****

A shiver went up my spine as I remembered the events of yesterday (or was it two days ago? a week?). The headache was getting worse. Talia would not be pleased if I was unable to train today. Hell, I wouldn’t be please either.

I made my way over to the attached bathroom and turned on the sink. I splashed my face a couple time with the ice cold water in hopes of being reenergized. A sigh passed my lips as I brought my head back up from the sink. 

I opened my eyes and just like every other time I’ve looked at myself in the mirror, I’m left surprised. I have definitely aged. My jaw was becoming more defined, my body becoming more  bulky rather than lanky. My hair was getting longer, too, with the lock of white becoming more prominent and falling over my eyes. I took a hand to swipe it back; I’d have to talk to Talia about getting it cut if I was still hoping to see my opponent while fighting. 

Last but not least, my gaze fell to own two eyes. It seemed the green was taking over more and more every time I looked at my reflection. I leaned closer to the mirror to try to get a better look at the state of my eyes. 

And then suddenly I wasn’t looking at my reflection anymore. 

I was tied to a chair. The binds were way too tight and trying to free my hands only made things worse. could feel the rope dig into my skin, blood already trickling down my fingers and dripping onto the ground below. 

That’s when the noise started. It was quiet at first, muffled almost. And it just kept getting louder and louder, clearer and clearer. 

My heart stopped. I froze. Not a single muscle moved. 

With my eyes wide open, I saw as the Joker slowly made his way out of the darkness of a warehouse, laughing to himself the whole time. 

Then I heard a loud thwack and looked down to see him holding a crowbar in his hands. Over and over again he would smack it into his other hand, the thwacks echoing throughout the building. I started to struggle again, but to no avail. 

I was stuck and the Joker was just getting closer and closer. He stopped about a foot infant of me and then lifted the crowbar high. It started to swing down-

And I was back, staring at my eyes in the mirror. The only difference was the beads of sweat now racing down my forehead. 

I grasped the edge of the sink and squeezed my eyes shit. It felt like my head was going to split in two. But i needed to figure out what happened. Not only to me, but Dick. Was he there with me? Or did he go after me later on? Does the Joker have him? Is even- I gulped- even alive?

I reopened my eyes and stared directly at my reflection. No matter what happened to me in the process, I was going to find Dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it's been five months and I'm super sorry! I like never have motivation to do anything anymore, and my writer's block has been sooooo bad.   
> So sorry!  
> I promise I'm not abandoning this fic, but I honestly have no idea how often I can update.   
> Sorry again!  
> And THANK YOU for all the comments kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions! I really appreciate you guys and your feedback.  
> (also btw sorry for not always responding to comments, I'll try to get better about that, but just know that I do read them and I love them!)


	3. Chapter 3

It had to have been a couple of years that I've been stuck in the League of Assassins. And while I've constantly been thinking about Dick and what happened to him, I can't say that being here with the al Ghul's has been a bad thing. I've learned more than the fucking Bat would have ever taught me. Him and his stupid new little birdie. A new Robin. A fucking Replacement for me. If I've learned anything at all while here with Talia, it's that she was right about Bruce. The fucker didn't even care that I died. He didn't care that it was his fucking fault that he couldn't save me. All he cared about was him being the Bat. And now he has decided that he can fuck up someone else's life. Tim Drake's to be exact. This Robin wannabe is gonna get himself killed. And I doubt  the Bat will care about him either. 

But not I'm strong enough that I could take on the bat. And Talia agrees. Mission and after mission with the league and she's finally agreed to let me go back to Gotham. So much training, so much death, but Talia now trusts me and I trust her. She helped me clear the fog and while it's still there every once in a while, I just remember the truth that she told me so that I can stay grounded.

Bruce let me run off and get captured by the Joker. He let me die by the Joker's hand. And then he didn't do a single fucking thing to get revenge for what the Joker did to me. Back to Arkham for the crazy shithead, but he's gotten out. Again and again Joker has hurt people, _killed me_ , but Bruce still won't cross the damn line. He still won't kill.

And that's why I'm better than him now. I've crossed the line that Bruce created. I've killed. It started off shaky at first. I was anxious, young, and stupid. But now I know that it's always me or them and you can bet your ass I'm picking me. So sure, there's blood on my hands, but it's nothing compared to what Bruce has on his. While he might have actually killed someone firsthand, the amount of bad guys he has let escape over and over again to kill more people is on Bruce's hands.

So now it's time for me to go take down the Bat. Talia is sending me over to Gotham for a solo mission and I'm ready to take down the fucking Bat.

* * *

Being back in Gotham is like being in an alternate dimension. I remember it, but at the same time it's been fucking with my head. So I just have to remember what Talia told me. I need to remember the truth about the man who let me die. 

I suit up to start my own patrol. I need to re-familiarize myself with the city and who is on patrol. I grab my red helmet and make my way out of the safe house, walking past the mirror hanging on the wall. I stare back at reflection. My blue eyes completely gone, replaced by a lazarus pit green. I continue out of the safe house ready to take on whatever Gotham wants to send my way. And my oh my was it better than I expected. 

After only an hour of making my way around my old home, I come across Replacement. Perfect.

He is completely oblivious to my presence, working on some sort of tablet while sitting on the edge of the roof so he can also watch what is going on below. I slowly creep toward him until he is about arm distance away. And that's, of course, when he notices me. 

His fist comes flying at chest so I stagger back raising my own hand to grab his wrist. I twist his arm around and press it against his back. Before I can get a better grip on him, he lets all of his weight drop to the ground. I end up getting pulled forward, losing my grip on his arm in the process. The Replacement rolls over on the ground and them uses both of his legs to kick me right in my chest. No damage done except for making me take a step back and pissing me off even more than I was to begin with. He's gonna regret that. But for now were both just standing across from each other, staring the other person down. 

"Who are you?" the boy asks. I smirk but he can't see it due to the red helmet I'm currently wearing.

"Call me the Red Hood," I reply.

"Well what do you want?" Gosh all these stupid questions. He needs to remember a personal motto of mine; shoot first ask questions later. But he probably doesn't have a gun, does he? Stupid Bruce not letting the Robins out with proper weapons to actually keep them safe. Maybe I should teach Bruce a lesson.

"To teach the bat a lesson," I say whipping out my gun. But before the Replacement has a chance to react to a gun being aimed at his face and before I have time to actually shoot, another body rams into mine, sending me sprawling against the roof. I quickly get back up regaining my footing, ready to take on this new opponent except its Dick?

It's....oh my god it's Dick.

He might have an eye mask on but that's not enough to hide who he is to me. It feels like time freezes and without my permission, my hands raise to my helmet, taking it off.

"Dick...it's...it's me," I stammer out once my face is in the open.

Dick immediately loses his fighting stance as he realizes it's actually me.

"Jason," he breathes out. I want to run to him. To kiss him. To hold him. It's been so long and just FUCK.

And of course that's what Replacement decides to fuck up a perfectly good family reunion. I can see him from the corner of my eye. Nice try, kid, but you're still just so stupid. And this would be the perfect time to teach Bruce the lesson about not caring enough about his Robins. 

Before the kid has time to hit the floor, I have whipped out another gun and pulled the trigger. The shot goes off and what should be a deafening bang is nothing compared to hearing Dick scream my name. Dick races to the Replacement who is now bleeding out from the bullet hole in his stomach. Dick should be lucky I didn't shoot the kid in the damn head.

Dick puts pressure on the boy's wound and then turns to look at me. 

"Dick-" I try to start but he quickly cuts me off with a glare. Even with an eye mask on I know exactly what he's doing. I can picture the look in his eyes as he stares at me. 

"Fuck. You." he bites out. He's too worried about getting the bleeding to stop to try to stop me so I try to get closer to him. That is until I see the bat racing over from a different building. One more glance as Dick and I debate staying, but in the end I turn to run. I know now is not the right time to take on the Bat. Need to give him some time to reflect on what he's done and how it has not hurt Tim. 

As for me I need time to focus on Dick. He looked so mad, yet so hurt. But he'll forgive me. As soon as I have a chance to explain everything and tell why I had to shoot the Replacement he'll understand. And then we can be together again. The two of us against the world...but the look he gave me is making me have second thoughts.

He will forgive me, right?

As soon as I get back into my safe house I strip out of my suit and hop into the shower. While standing under the hot spray I am only left with feelings I have not felt for years.

Remorse. Guilt. Regret.

They slowly take over my mind. I didn't even kill the kid and yet I feel like shit for what I did. I haven't cared about hurting or killing anyone since the first time Talia made me take a life. And now here I am in the shower losing my mind over shooting my fucking Replacement. This mission might not be as easy as I was hoping.

I got out of the shower and swiped my hand across the mirror to rid it of the fog. I focused on refection. Mainly how my once pure green eyes now had a sliver of blue back in them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all you amazing people!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Sleep evaded me. But how could I expect it to actually let me get wrapped up in its warm embrace. I finally got to see Dick.

And. 

I. 

Fucked. 

It. 

Up.

I finally got to see the one good thing that ever happened to me and now he might be gone forever too.

From a boy with no dad but stuck with their drug addicted mother to a teen with fucking Bruce as a father figure who let me die by Joker’s hand to a man following orders given by Talia al Ghul, I have never had a break. One shit hole to another. And the one time the universe actually granted me a little happiness- the one time God or whoever the fuck is out there took pity on me and decided to make life a little more bearable- it was snatched away.

I never got a chance to actually cherish how good life was there for a bit. But now I realize how lucky I was to have even gotten to look at Dick Grayson. And somehow I got to talk to Dick. I got to talk to him, get to know. And he gave me the best gift of agreeing to be my boyfriend. He was willing to share hit heat with me. And maybe with a little more time he would have become my mate. Maybe he would have been able to love me just as much as I loved him.

I let out a scream, fingers pulling at my hair. Life was fucking unfair. And sleep just wouldn’t give me the peace of being able to escape these torturous thoughts. 

Sleep just left me to become tangled in the sheets, unable to get comfortable. Sleep left me to become drenched in sweat as the nerves and adrenaline continued to race through me after seeing Dick again. Sleep left me to my dangerous mind. A mind I can’t even fully trust. 

I ripped the sheets off of my body and stumbled into the bathroom. My hands gripped the edge of the sink, the only thing keeping me standing up. 

Staring at my reflection was as scary as ever. It wasn’t myself looking back. It hasn’t been me ever since I was brought back to life. 

But was I really alive? 

My reflection begged to differ. My usually tan skin was currently an ashy white. The bags under my eyes were the darkest I had ever seen them. It made my eyes look sunken in. And my eyes…well they were a whole other story. 

Dick had once commented on how my eyes were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. And now even that was gone. Replaces by the bright green that had slowly taken over as the years went by under the al Ghul’s. I just accepted that eyes Dick thought were stunning were gone. But now I could see the blue trying to come back, prove to me that I still has the eyes Dick had fallen in love with. That I was still the person Dick had fallen in love with.

But now my eyes were bloodshot. I needed to fucking sleep, needed to escape the dangerous thoughts lurking around my mind. So I opened the medicine cabinet and dug around for the sleeping pills Talia had gotten for me. It took a while for the weird flashes of the past to go away but the nightmares still lingered. After a few weeks Talia got me medication in order for me to actually sleep without seeing me or Dick die. But now after relying on the pills for a couple years when it was supposed to be a temporary fix, my tolerance for them increased. 

So I let about five of the small white pills tumble into my hand before I swallowed them all down. I made my way back to my bed, praying to whoever the fuck would listen that I could finally be free from the thoughts that made me want to put a bullet in brain.

* * *

Sunlight spilling in through the blinds woke me up. And it was way earlier than I was planning to wake up. I was anything but refreshed. If anything I felt ten times worse, but at least I had a few hours to escape from reality. A dreamless sleep let me be free from everything that plagued me during my waking hours. 

I sat up only to quickly lay head back down. Fuck. A splitting headache was making me pay for the amount of medication I needed to take last night. I somehow made my way back to the bathroom where I once again dug through the medicine cabinet, but this time for some pain killers. Taking twice the recommended amount, I made my way into the kitchen. 

I was already awake at this point to I might as well get started for my day. I needed to see again. Was it smart to want to go up to him? Hell no. But needed to see him.

So I quickly made breakfast and got dressed in civilian clothes. It was way too early for Red Hood to be out and it not be suspicious. So hopefully I can blend in with everyday people in Gotham and be able to follow Dick. Well that is if I can find Dick.

I got onto my motorcycle and made my way towards Wayne Enterprises. It was my best bet seeing as Bruce had always wanted us to come interested in the business. Dick would be out of high school now so either Bruce just gave him a job right off the bat or he was in college. But then what college? And is currently in class? Or maybe he was at the Manor to be with Tim. Or he could be in literally any other random place here in Gotham. So with a million options of where Dick Grayson could be imagine my surprise when Dick Grayson walked out of the building when I was about a block away. 

I quickly pulled over and just watched as Dick walked to the valet driver, all smiles. As if what happened to Replacement last night never happened. The driver returned the smile and handed Dick the car keys. Dick slipped into the car and took off. I pulled  back into the road, possibly cutting off someone behind me and getting honked at. 

But my only goal was to follow Dick. Maybe he was going out for any early lunch? It was almost 11 so it would be possible he was just going out to get food. But then who was meeting? Why? Wayne Enterprise business, bat business, or just out to have fun? I had to remind myself that while I was only concerned about Dick, I was still here on a mission and part of it was to get some intel for Talia. It would be in my best interest to also gain some information on what Wayne Enterprises was up to and also what the Bat had been doing. 

I promised myself that while spending all this time focusing on Dick, I would multitask and also pay attention to what business he was doing both for the actual business and for the Bat. And yet I knew that would definitely be pushed aside when I could see Dick and would just want to hold him, kiss him, just be with him.

I shook my head trying to gain focus on Dick’s car. He had turned and I had missed it. Stupid Talia and the side mission she gave me.

I made an (illegal) u-turn and was able to see that the car was now parked in front of what looked like a school. As I found a place to pull over where he would hopefully not notice me, I noticed that it was actually a preschool. And a fucking fancy one at that. Some preppy place where probably all the rich snobs sent their little shits. 

A quick google search on my phone was able to prove me wrong. 

Apparently the place was run by donations (mainly from Wayne Enterprises) where underprivileged kids were able to go for free. With the money from Bruce this place was able to help tons of kids who were either orphans or from very poor families be able to go to preschool. Dick was probably here to hang out with the kids. A little but of publicity for Wayne Enterprises and how they’ve donated money and some fun for Dick since I knew how much he loves kids.

Other parents/ caregivers had been going into the building and now some of them had started making their way out, kids in tow. A few more minutes passes before Dick came back out. 

And he had a small child on his hip.

From where I was parked, I could only make out the jet black hair the kid had. What was Dick doing with a kid? Had Bruce taken in another child? Or did he have an actual child now? Maybe Dick was now watching Bruce’s kid for him. 

But then that brought up more questions like why hadn’t I read anything about Bruce having another child in the news? So maybe Dick was just waiting with the kid until their parent got here. 

Dick, however, didn’t stop with the kid to wait for anyone. He kept walking until he got to his car where he opened one of the back doors. As he went to put the kid in the car, the child turned his head enough for me to see his face. 

I was instantly frozen.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

It was like seeing myself but as a little child. A chill went down my spine. Why the fuck did that kid look like me? Why the fuck…

Why the fuck was Dick carrying around a kid that looked just like me? 

I had no other relatives that maybe possible had a kid that would happen to look like me. And the only person I had ever been intimate with was Dick so it’s not like I had fathered a child with someone. There was no way Dick and I had a baby...

Maybe…maybe Dick had fallen for this child because he looked like me. Ya that could make sense. Just a doppelgänger. Just a random, rare occurrence that some child looked exactly like me. Yep that was it. There was no way Dick and I had a kid. No possible way.

And then my thoughts turned to the heat we shared right before I was killed. The heat where I hadn’t used any condoms, where he hadn’t taken any birth control pills, where he hadn’t taken plan B pills when it was over. But he was on birth control. So no possible way Dick and I had a kid. Except that even I knew birth control wasn’t 100% effective and knowing Dick’s forgetfulness it was probably even less than the usual 93-98% effectiveness. 

Dick had already finished buckling up the kid and had even gotten himself into the car. He started to drive away but I hadn’t moved to follow him. There was no way I could move. Everything was clicking into place. No other theory made as much sense as the one that meant that Dick had my kid. I gulped as everything started to catch up with me. The only theory that made sense was the one that was how Dick and I actually had a kid. Dick had carried my kid. My kid. I had a kid.

Oh Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a great Christmas/Holidays!! I really rushed the last chapter so sorry that it was kinda shitty. I hope this one is better!


	5. Chapter 5

The pattern of sleepless nights continued. The number of sleeping pills I swallowed down probably should have killed me by now. But how the fuck could anyone expect me to sleep after realizing that I might have a child out there. A child with Dick. 

I have a fucking kid. 

A child. Offspring. My own flesh and blood.

Which makes me a father. And honestly that thought in itself has caused at least two dozen panic attacks over the course of the five days (I think? SHIT! I thought I was past not being able to trust my mind) I've been locked inside my safe house. See, I can't be a father. Well scratch that because obviously I am a father. But I can't be a _dad_ to this kid of mine. I never had the father figures in my life. My actual dad was a piece of shit who beat my mom and drove her to drugs. I hated him and only wish that I was the one that actually ended his life. Fast forward to the other father figure I had: Bruce. Entitled, rich, white prick of a guy. Ya sure he gave me a roof over my head, food, education, and let me be Robin, but he was always emotionally constipated. Never mind the fact that he couldn't save me, I died, and then he just fucking replaced me with another black haired, blue eyed boy that also wanted to be Robin. I mean, I guess there is Alfred. He was the only one that I feel ever truly cared about me, but he was never really a father figure, more of a grandfather figure or something.

So the sudden shock of being a dad kind of kept making my hands shake, my body go numb, and my lungs struggle to find air. Over and over again I suffered though possibly the worst anxiety I've ever had as I worry about how the fuck I'm supposed to be a dad. How do you take care of a kid, raise them, love them, teach them? I didn't know the first step in even being around a kid let along actually being responsible for one.

And then after panicking long enough about how to raise a child, I would remember the big picture of this whole kid situation. It's not like Dick welcomed me back into his family and that I'm going to be with him raising a kid-  _our_ kid. There was honestly no point in me worrying about how to raise a kid because there is no way in hell that Dick will ever let me near our kid. Not after I've been gone for so many years and especially not after I shot the stupid Replacement. 

And this is where I would choke down as many sleeping pills as I could and hope to whatever higher figure there is out in the universe that I will have a dreamless rest. I just needed it all to stop and sleep was the only choice besides putting a bullet in my skull. So I just lay in limbo since of course I can't be as lucky as to have no dreams. Actually, I wish I was dreaming. Instead I was forced to live through nightmares. Stupid fucking sleeping pills were really losing their effectiveness. It's probably why I shouldn't take so many as often as I do. But it was too late now to go back and change the dependency I've had on the stupid things. So I just have to suffer through the horrifying nightmares.

Instead of shooting Replacement the other night, I shoot my son. 

Instead of shooting Replacement, I shoot Dick right in front of out son.

I'm living my best life with Dick as my husband. He leaves me with our son and I end up screwing up the whole parenting thing and killing him. In some it's that I don't keep track of him and gets into knives, or he's falls off the balcony, or sometimes he finds guns-my guns-and ends up shooting himself, sometimes even shooting Dick.

Dick, our son, and I are all happily eating dinner together one night when Talia comes and kills Dick and our son in front of me only to leave me alive to suffer.

One of the worst is how instead of me getting captured, tortured, and blown up by the Joker, it's my son.

In the end taking the sleeping pills to get rest doesn't work at all. But what else is there to do. I need sleep and I cannot have a dreamless time with all this uncertainty surrounding me. I need to make things right with Dick. I need to see my son. To do that I need to do some research and come up with a plan. I need Dick to trust me, need him to know that I still love him so much that it feels like I will die if I can't make things right with him. 

Obviously it would be a death wish to try to corner Dick into talking when he was with our son. Actually any attempt at cornering Dick to talk to him would be a death wish. He obviously needs to choose to meet me. Even though it pains my knowing that he would probably choose to not meet me at all. Now that he's seen what I am and that I'm willing to shoot and kill he will most likely never in a million years agree to talk to me. 

But it's the only chance I have at having a relationship with him again and getting to start a relationship with out son.

A quick google search led to me finding that Mrs. Baker's ice cream shop was still open. So now I just had to get a note to Dick telling him to meet me there in a couple days. Before 11 would probably be the best time since our son would most likely be at day care so Dick wouldn't feel forced to bring him with. And during the night obviously wouldn't work since he is busy being NIghtwing. 

I quickly wrote up the note-I don't trust anything electronic when it comes to their tracking skills- and then stupidly came to the realization that I didn't even know where to drop off the note. I couldn't leave it at the Manor mainly due to the fact that I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to step foot in that place again but also because Bruce, Alfred, and Replacement would also be there. That would be too much of a risk. And I can't slip the note in Dick's car when I know he goes in to pick up out son because I feel like letting him know that I know about our son and where he is would push Dick over the edge and risk all of my chances of ever seeing them. If I had spent more time trailing Dick I could probably find out where he lived and would leave the note there, though that would probably also just push Dick away since then I would know where he lives. And I don't want to see him face to face as NIghtwing and Red Hood because I don't want him to feel cornered or pressured. So I guess the only thing that might possibly work is slipping the note into his car while he is at Wayne Enterprise. Probably wouldn't be the easiest with Bruce's security but it's the best shot I've got.

A glance at the clock shows me that it's eleven p.m. so I had way too much time until I could even think about leaving to plant the note. Guess I just have plenty of time to learn all about my son and why I didn't see anything about him in the news. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (FYI Mrs. Baker's ice cream shop is where Dick took Jason back in the first chapter in the first story)  
> I am so sorry!! Like I don't even have a good excuse for this. Sure, college was about a million times harder second semester and I've been working my butt off trying to make money, but I don't have a reasonable excuse for being gone for like six months. I am so sorry!   
> And huge thanks for all the kudos and comments! It makes me feel so much more motivated to write and post. I always get so stressed after a chapter thinking its terrible and that people are going to hate it or comment harsh criticisms (which really hasn't happened so I don't know why it makes me so anxious) but I'm really trying to push through my anxiety and write more.  
> Thank you so much for sticking around!! I will try my hardest to post a couple more times this summer. My next step is to update my other story so I'll hopefully have that up really soon.   
> Again, thank you so much to all of you totally awesome people who are reading my stories and sticking with me. I love you all and I hope you are enjoying your summer!


End file.
